I Was Very Angry

Writing a memoir is not for the faint of heart.

Have you ever been so angry that you can’t think straight, and you just start swearing at your computer screen?

I have. When I first started writing a memoir, I had something to prove. I wanted anyone and everyone to know just how badly I had been treated in my first marriage.

I was very angry.

And rightly so, but what I have learned is that angry writing isn’t always helpful writing. As a reader, when you read something, you don’t want the words to be yelling at you.

A while back I heard someone say: you will know when you are ready to share your story with the world when you don’t have something to prove. It’s the idea that you are in a good place with something when you no longer have to prove it.  

There have been numerous moments when I was writing the memoir, that ended with me yelling at my screen “F@*k You” over and over again. (Something I wish I could have said to his face.)

Because I don’t think abuse is something I will ever “get over,” I have learned to be content, to live with what I have gone through. I have healed a lot from the hurt, and I will also continue to heal. It’s not a fast process. The great thing is, I no longer relive my experience when I talk about it or write about it.

Writing a memoir has been interesting, hard and healing. As an external processor, writing has helped me to process. I’ve watched the progress in myself from highly-charged anger to distance. Occasionally, a story will catch me off guard and I might feel unresolved feelings bubble up that make me want to punch the face I see in my mind, but I am more equipped to deal with that.

Writing has shown me just how far I have come in my healing process. Without writing, I would not know how much healing I have done.

Now, I have finished multiple drafts of the memoir. I am currently doing another edit of the whole thing. I’m a third of the way through this edit. And with that, I decided to take the next step.

Exciting News…

This week, I signed with The Self-Publishing Agency! I’m excited about this step. I’m moving forward. I’m getting ready to publish, to launch a book.   

This also really scares me. This means that at some point, not too far into the future, I will be publishing my first book. Part of my story will be out in the world for anyone to read…

I’m a mix of emotions, super excited and “Ahhhh, what am I doing?” But I am doing it. This is happening.

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