That Time in the Grocery Store When I Remembered Why I’m a Feminist

I was in the line up at the grocery store. There was a middle-aged man at the register in front of me. He was buying four packages of ice cream sandwiches. The girl at the checkout rang them up. When she told him the total, he was upset.

“Uh no. That it not how much it should be for four boxes.”

The cashier unfazed, asked if they were on sale. He said yes. She turned and asked another girl standing near by to run and check the price for her. What she actually said, gave him the benefit of the doubt: 

“Can you find the correct prices for these, please. Thank you!”

“What?” he said. “You don’t know what the prices of these are?” He used as rude of a tone as possible. Translation: Wow you are stupid for not knowing the price. If I were you, I would know that price.   

“No, I don’t know all the prices of everything in this store. Sorry,” she said, genuinely and without a hint of sarcasm. 

“Well you should,” he scoffed. That’s when my death-glare began to bore a hole into the side of his face. Was he serious? Yes, he was serious.

In the meantime the other girl had gone to check prices. She came back, told the other cashier the new price, confirming they were on sale. The cashier adjusted the prices and gave him a new total.  

“Are you two training or something?” he asked. Neither of them had in training on their bright white, easily-visible name tags.  

“No we’re not,” the girl said. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“You should know this stuff.” His voice was mean. Straight up mean. He said a few other things, but because I was already angry I couldn’t hear anything else he said except for his condescending tone. 

The cashier encouraged him to have a nice day! He shrugged and walked out the door.

I was amazed at the cashier’s ability to treat him civilly when he sure didn’t deserve it. She’d probably dealt with men like him before, every woman has.

In what universe should a cashier know every price in the ENTIRE store? ESPECIALLY if it’s a sale price, which changes EVERY WEEK. Also, in what universe is it okay to be condescending and mean to a cashier? I was livid.

In that moment, I had wished I was not a woman, so I could have reamed him out. He believed he was better than those girls and had the right to talk to them like that. It was not okay. I, however, was not about to start a fight with a man who clearly already didn’t respect women. I knew where those fights get me…nowhere.  

When it was my turn the cashier greeted me. We made small talk then I said,

“Just so you know that guy was a dick.”

She nodded her head. “You didn’t deserve for him to talk to you like that, and don’t worry, you don’t look like you are in training,” I said. She then explained how she rarely worked at cash. I was thankful she seemed to know that she didn’t deserve to be talked to like that. 

This incident got me thinking about power dynamics, as things like this often do. I thought through lots of ways that I could have said something to that guy, none of them would have actually worked or gone over remotely well. I did what I could afterwards to make sure my fellow female knew she was valuable, and not worthless because she didn’t know one silly piece of information that no one should expect her to.

It might seem simple to point out this interaction, but it’s a product of a much bigger problem. You see, that guy didn’t look like he was in a hurry, he also didn’t seem to be in a bad mood. Nope, the way he was talking was just how he talks to females.

This is why I am a feminist. Right now men and women are not equal even in a freaking grocery store. If my husband had been there, he could have been the one to say something to that guy, and he probably would have. However, me, as another female, not a chance. It would have gone horribly wrong. Speaking up would have put a target on my head for his condescending inappropriate comments. It also was clearly not emotionally safe for me to do so. That was obvious from the way he was already talking.

We live in a world that breeds male entitlement and often even rewards them for acting entitled. This, along with other reasons and destructive beliefs, makes many places not safe spaces for women to stand up for themselves. 

There is much more I could say about this. For now, try something for me, will you? Next time you are somewhere or watching something think about the situation and replace a male in the scenario with a female, and vice versa. How do your thoughts change about a person or a situation when the gender flips? You may be surprised that hiding inside you are some internal biases (we all have them!) towards trusting and believing men over women.

That’s where we start: by changing our beliefs. We have to believe that women and men are equal. Once we do, only then can we treat them as such. We were created equally by God. One is not better than the other. We are all broken people. In our brokenness, we do not have the right to mistreat or use others. We were made to love each other.